Syndi Seid

Each month LuxeSF profiles a member of The Luxury Marketing Council. This month we talk with Syndi Seid, speaker, trainer, and founder of San Francisco-based Advanced Etiquette, the Bay Area’s leading authority for international business etiquette training.

In a day and age when business civility and good manners are on the decline, smart companies are reconfiguring their operating cultures in recognition of the notion that business courtesy delivers ROI in more ways than one. Syndi Seid tells how and why.

LuxeSF: Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Syndi: I began my career and established Advanced Etiquette in 1992 to be the leading resource on international business and social etiquette and protocol. Over the years I have served many Fortune 500 companies and individuals from all over the world, helping them to master the skills to gaining self confidence and authority in any business and social situation, anywhere in the world.

LuxeSF: What made you get into this business?

Syndi: In looking for a new career and business to own, I established three conditions:  1. It had to be fun; 2. It had to be something I would feel proud to combine both business and pleasure in doing; and, 3. It had to be truly helpful and beneficial to anyone who was touched by my products or services.  In doing research I found a woman at the Biltmore Hotel in Los Angeles who was teaching etiquette. She was a graduate of The protocol School of Washington, and recommended I check them out.  When I received the information and reviewed their curriculum, it was like a light bulb that lit up. I said, “Wow, this is what I want to do.  I want to help empower women and minorities with the vital skills that will make a difference in their professional and personal lives and help them break through those glass ceilings, which was something highly discussed and debated at that time in the 80’s.

LuxeSF: Transition to today to Advanced Etiquette, the company.  The focus of the company is in what areas today?

Syndi: Over the years the business has truly expanded into areas I didn’t even think about when I opened my practice.  I began primarily as a corporate trainer.  Now, I am an international speaker, trainer, author, and media go-to person on all matters relating to etiquette and protocol. My work and focus has definitely gone global over the years.  I travel to Mexico, Canada, India, and Trinidad to conduct seminars,  deliver presentations and hold media interviews, and my newest projects include finishing a 4^th book, a new seminar series focused on delivering company-wide etiquette training, not just for specific departments and divisions, and hopefully opening an office in Beijing by mid-2010.  I believe it is crucial that every person on this planet become more sensitive to the diversity that surrounds us and learns how to get along with each other in the best possible manner… both on the job and in our personal daily lives.

LuxeSF: How are you defining business etiquette?

Syndi: I define business etiquette as the vehicle by which people build relationships to gain more customers clients and business, in the best possible manner. Business etiquette helps a person know what to do, when, and how, in various situations.  And, in Emily Post’s way of saying it (the first American etiquette author), “Etiquette is the fuel that powers relationships.”  In my way of saying it, business etiquette is the fastest route to a successful business from top to bottom, and everything in-between.

LuxeSF: Are you finding business etiquette is getting better or worse today?

Syndi: There was a recent Associated Press survey that asked…“Do you think Americans are ruder today than 20 years ago?”  A resounding 68% said, “Absolutely.”  Yet, you could argue that in each past generation people would properly respond in the same fashion.  Overall, the world has simply allowed and tolerated this downhill trend for far too long.  I am pleased to say, that in recent years, there is a small but growing return to civility.

LuxeSF: Why do you think that rudeness factor is increasing?

Syndi: The rudeness factor has increased over the years for many reasons. At the core, resulting from the values dominance of the baby boomer generation is the lack of home education and discipline.  Kids today are simply not being taught how to be courteous, polite, respectful, honest, and ethical.  Parents allow and often contribute to rude behavior toward others, which then spills over into the workplace and into society.

LuxeSF: Why have we lost that ability to know how to act?

Syndi: The loss of knowing how to act began during what I call the hippy-dippy era. Since then with each new generation, increasing personal interaction with immediate family, neighbors, and friends has been lost. There is no longer an abundance of good role models—celebrities or personal—that reinforce the fundamental principles of civility, respect, honesty, and ethics.  Schools and parents do not teach, reinforce, role-model, and discipline students and their children when inappropriate behavior is displayed. Worst of all, it is often the teachers and parents who are displaying the poor behavior. Bosses and employers do not have policies in place to reprimand staff members and employees for misconduct toward other co-workers, clients, and customers.  We have been living in a society where rude behavior is tolerated in every area.

Case in point: In California and many other states there is a hands- free law for using cell phones while driving. When the law first came into effect, for about one or two days, many people did make the effort to comply.  Yet with each day that passed, I would see more and more people talking on their cell phones with one hand holding the phone, pressed against their ear. These individuals have obviously chosen not to care about the law; have chosen to be lazy about the time and money it would take to purchase a hands-free device for their phone; have chosen to take the law into their own hands, daring a police officer to catch them; and worst of all jeopardizing their own life, the lives of others, perhaps even the life of a child, just because of their own selfishness.  Part of etiquette is caring more about others than yourself.

LuxeSF: From a business perspective, what is the benefit of good etiquette?

Syndi: Business etiquette helps the business, the company, and everyone associated with it live a more healthy, happy, and productive life.  And by doing so, it reduces stress, lowers company costs, and increases profits.  It creates an harmonious work environment where workers enjoy their work, like their bosses and co-workers, are recognized and rewarded for their accomplishments, and are less likely to develop various physical and mental illnesses, take extra days off, or quit their jobs.  What this boils down to is business etiquette helps build a better world in which to live.

LuxeSF: But is there any tangible business benefit derived from good etiquette?  Can you quantify it in terms of metrics and accountability?

Syndi: Absolutely… although at times it is not an immediate return, it is definitely quantifiable over time.  As an example, a Johns Hopkins study revealed that 65% of surveyed employees witnessed what they considered to be uncivil behavior in their workplace, and 70% of these contemplated leaving their jobs as a result of it.  When a worker is unhappy in his or her job, it spills over to the personal life, which again affects that worker’s business life.  When we do not have a happy work environment, productivity decreases, new ideas are stifled, customers and clients are not as enthused to increase their orders and to be as loyal to your company. Stress kicks in, which results in higher medical expenses and higher turnover.  Profits are lower as a result of all these added expenses and this results in a downhill spiral.  Conversely, when workers are happy in their work and environment and the company and business is thriving, everyone wins.

LuxeSF: If I’m a CEO, and I’ve got to make a decision to spend money on implementing or inculcating a cultural shift in my organization – namely, I want everybody to engage in positive business etiquette practices – how do I justify that monetarily?  Can I show an increase in P&L?  Is there a business case to be made?

Syndi: First of all a CEO cannot think of this as an expense where one is spending money without hope of any return or profit. Rather this is the best investment any company can make toward building a successful business.  For a company to fully incorporate the principles associated with displaying civility, etiquette, and solid good manners, there must be a corporate vision and directive from the top, with middle management as the facilitators to monitor progress and take corrective action, with everyone working together to achieve the ultimate goal of building a better workplace and business. Business etiquette is something that must be incorporated into the fabric of the company, similar to how change management is achieved.  The results, tangible and intangible, immediate and over time, are infinite and definitely measurable on a P&L statement.

LuxeSF: What are the most egregious practices – bad etiquette practices – that you see?

Syndi: Among my top worst practices are:  1. Not following up as you say you will. I constantly attend events and hear someone say s/he will call or send me something and I never hear from that person again.  2. Being habitually late to appointments; and 3. Mispronouncing a person’s name in situations where you should have learned and practiced it ahead of time.  When it comes to table manners, besides no elbows on the table, it bothers me when I see someone starting to eat before the host begins, chewing with their mouth open, talking with their mouth full, and making noises while eating.  And then there are the people who show up to an event improperly dressed… mostly men who are not wearing a tuxedo or dinner jacket when invited to a black-tie event.

LuxeSF: What about cell phone behavior?

Syndi: Definitely cell phone/texting courtesies are among the top two most-requested topics for company training.  The other one being email etiquette.  Answering your cell phone in the middle of a meeting, in a restaurant, in a classroom, at the theatre, at a party is simply not appropriate.  Yet most people are totally clueless and unaware of how disruptive this behavior can be.  In my assessment, the lack of cell phone and texting courtesies is direct evidence of an uncaring, self-centered, unprofessional person and a person who has not been properly taught and/or disciplined for such poor behavior.

LuxeSF: Are there two or three maxims or rules of behavior that are core to proper etiquette?

Syndi: It’s back to the basics.  Think before you speak.  Always say please and thank you.  Always take care to be considerate and respectful of the other person before you say or do anything.  With diversity and globalization upon us, we have replaced the old Golden Rule of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” with a new Platinum Rule by Tony Alessandra, which states, “Do unto others as they would like to be treated.”  And when it comes to business, the rule now extends to say, “Do unto others in ways they don’t even expect.”  This to me is the epitome in providing the ultimate in etiquette and exhibiting what we also now call “emotional intelligence”.

LuxeSF: Who uses your services most?

Syndi: Although I am typically hired by corporations and companies, and businesses within the hospitality industry, those who use my services the most are the individual participants who attend my seminars and presentations.  They are the ones who hold the keys to success, in whether or not a company changes its core culture toward building a better workplace and environment to do good business.  Long after I have served a company, it is typically the individuals who enroll in our continuing education programs, receiving a complimentary subscription to our “Etiquette Tip of the Month” newsletter, filled with lots of new tips each month.

LuxeSF: Do you find any difference between mainstream and luxury marketers?

Syndi: Yes.  For luxury marketers it is even more critical they deliver and provide the ultimate in guest and customer service.  When dealing with higher level items, the luxury buyer expects a superior level of service along with it.  As the world is becoming more diverse, the multi-cultural luxury buyer will also expect service providers to be savvy, well educated and trained in how to present themselves well, without offending their clientele.  Luxury marketers must become what I call a “true cosmopolitan”…a person who is worldly and well-educated on how to adapt to any situation, among people from all walks in life.

LuxeSF: As a transplant from the East Coast, it strikes me that business etiquette as practiced in northern California is woefully lacking.  Is that true?  Is there a regional difference?

Syndi: There is a regional difference and it’s mainly reflected in the culture of the city or the region. On the East Coast, for example, they are much more punctual. Lack of meeting punctuality is not accepted, whereas here it’s tolerated.  Also, wearing proper attire to various events is also much more practiced on the East Coast than West Coast.

LuxeSF: Why is that?

Syndi: Bluntly and simply put, etiquette has not been part of the fabric here on the West Coast.  We allow and tolerate bad behavior at home, in the workplace, and in public, whereas, back East people have been known to lose their jobs over poor and improper behavior. In the West, we glorify the notion of being free, often at the expense of common courtesies and civility.  Yet, I think the pendulum is swinging back.  People are recognizing the importance and value of treating others properly as the key to success in all aspects of life, not just in business.  By being educated in these areas, you will be able to deliver better customer and guest service, live a more productive and happy life, and in so doing create a better sense of well-being in everything you do.  This is truly what etiquette is all about.

To receive more information, please call 415-346-3665 or email: info@advancedetiquette.com